This little ditty went to market. I'm kidding. This little ditty will be somewhat rated R. I encourage you to not read this particular post if you are easily offended or are related to me.
I was recently invited to go skydiving by my buxom girlfriend. Back when I was a youngster, the idea of jumping out of an airplane sounded kind of reckless and adventuresome.
Now that I've become decrepit, all I can really think about is how painful it would be to blow chunks through my nose at 9.8 meters per second squared.
But, it is not my nature to say no. So, I put on my best man pig attitude and I said, "Okay, I'll do it if you'll perform a lewd act involving nudity and breasts with your equally buxom friend."
She checked with her friend and, much to my surprise and alarm, all was agreed upon. It was official. I was to be the next skydiving pig.
Then there came the price. Apparently this act of projectile vomiting while plummeting towards earth at 9.8 meters per second squared was going to cost me $320. "Wow!" says the cheap pig, "this is way more than I intended to spend."
I'd probably still be picking chunks out of my nose while the lewd act started and I'd miss it. It was just not worth the risk. Okay, I'm justifying. I know. But still.
Then, the price came down to $220, but for an extra $100 they would video tape the event. I didn't bother to ask whether the $100 was for video taping the chunk hurling or the lewdness. I probably should have. I might have been able to sell the latter.
Anyway, while researching my cheap piggedness, I found this video. It made me smile. Google may restrict my site for this. Oh well. It's a risk I'm willing to take. Avert your gaze if you are offended. I won't tell anyone.